You might know what it’s like to have a full time job outside the home without children. Or maybe you know what it’s like to have a full-time job AT home, WITH children.  Yep. I feel you on both counts. And today, I’m comparing the two, because OH MY WORD it’s so different! And kind of hilarious. Ready? Here we go.

Alarm goes off at 5 am. (Baby wakes early.)

Hit snooze. (Feed baby, fall back into bed.)

Alarm goes off at 7 am. (Baby wakes for the day, toddler wakes too.)

Get dressed. (Get kids dressed. You’ll get dressed after you feed them (eventually) because they’re hangry.)

Can’t decide what to wear. (TODDLER can’t decide what to wear. Commence first tantrum of the day.)

Breakfast. (Feed toddler. And baby.)

Head to the gym. (Chase toddler.)

Sit in the spa/sauna at the gym. (Grab a shower…some days. It feels like a spa.)

Shower and apply favorite perfume. (Put on deodorant…if you remember.)

Head to the first meeting of the day. (Make a to-do list while in the shower. Write it down after showering if you remember. Or make Siri add it to your calendar.)

Brunch with Boss #1 and a few potential clients. (FINALLY eat breakfast. Your toddler sees you and wants “just one bite”. Also, the dog is hoping you’ll drop a few morsels on the floor and is inches away. Infant comes up and whines with his mouth open.)

Grab an espresso on your way out of the coffee shop. (Chug water…any liquid to remember to stay hydrated. If you get to make some tea, you take a few hot sips before abandoning it to get cold. Or forget it in the pot after turning off the heat.)

Arrive at office. (First nap for infant. Run to the computer. Crank out as much work as possible.)

Presentation for Boss #1. (Feature presentation. As in, anything Disney. And for the toddler, because she is asking every five minutes today and you can’t get anything done. OR if you’re feeling creative and super-momish, set up water play or other Pinterest-like activity so she doesn’t watch TV because you don’t want to rot her brain. #momguilt)

Boss #2 calls you into his office for a meeting. (Baby wakes early.)

Lunch break with co-workers. (Children decide they want something every time you sit down to eat your own lunch. Sometimes they can wait. Sometimes they throw tantrums. Sometimes they just keep asking.)

Sneak onto social media at your desk…favorite part of the day. (Playtime with children. Favorite part of the day.)

Back to work. (Nap time for BOTH babes. Hallelujah. Run back to the laptop. Again, crank out as much work as possible.)

Boss #1 calls from her office. (Potty-trained toddler needs to pee after her nap. Sometimes before OR during. Thankfully you are smart and still let her wear a diaper for naps…but how long is that acceptable? …commence mom-worry.)

Coffee run. (Re-heat your hot drink that has gone cold from that morning. And let it get cold again because it’s snack time for the littles. This is why you mostly just drink water…when you remember.)

Head home. (Oh wait.)

Husband time. (Family time.)

Dinner. (Dinner. Watch out for the flying applesauce!)

(Put babies to bed. Kiss them. Miss them. Watch videos of them on your phone. Show husband. Smile and laugh together about how awesome they are.)

Fall asleep on the couch with your husband while watching Netflix.

Realize you’re on the couch. Lug yourself to bed.

Repeat.